That Feeling

If you are yet not tired of  reading my scribblings (that I happily call poems :P), here is yet another. This came out pretty weird actually,so I would love if you could tell me how I could improve on this one :)
This is the edited version of the poem. The last 2 lines in the second stanza were added by Andy . The lines I had written previously are kept in parenthesis. Thank you so much Andy!! :D


That Feeling


Will you believe me
If I said I knew
How it feels to be an
Insignificant and un-special
Nobody to somebody?


Will you believe me
If I said I knew
How it felt to be
The only invisible one
In a world made just for two?
(Invisible to that one
Everybody of your world?)


Will you believe me
If I said I have felt
Hurt and pain
In places I never knew
Existed in me?




P.S.- This is what happens to me when I watch too many romances. I cry for hours and then I start scribbling this. So please do not take this to be autobiographical. I just love getting into the shoes of characters and then sort of imagine what they must have felt. This time the character was Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet) from The Holiday. :)


Will be back to my totally un-poetic posts soon :D
Till then
Love
Swarnali

Inscrutable

This is my first attempt at a love poem (?),so please bear with it. And do tell me if you think I could make it better in any way - anything I should have added or deleted.

Inscrutable

I love you

Because I can love no other

I hate you

Yes I do, very much

My heart torn,

Between loving you

And not loving you

I laugh a laugh of pure ecstasy

And then all of a sudden

Cry out in despair

Knowing you'll never be mine

My only wish now

Is to be consumed

By either, or both-

The fire and ice that swell inside me.

On a random and totally unrelated note the "Yes I do" in the 4th line reminds me of Nicki Minaj's "Superbass" (my sis read the name of the song as "Superb-Ass" the first time she saw it :D).

P.S. - Thank You Arpita for the inputs. Love ya <3

Lovers' Cove Challenge

I get to Priyanka's blog and come to know of this challenge which is going on at Andy's Blog.
Here are the rules-
A poem will be constructed by different bloggers. The prompt line will be given by Andy. All you have to do is add your line to the poem,based on the line above yours i.e. what the previous blogger has said. The line should be of 15 words or less. Check out the link to know more about the challenge.

So here it goes -

Title : (Yet to be determined)

Andy's Line(11 words) : A sleeping flower is more beautiful than a heart without love
Kriti's Line (14 words) : But I bleed enjoying your thorns of love, rest awhile so I may breathe
Punam's line (14 words) : The loss of your love O Heart! Put me to an eternal sleep
Rosette Princess' line (14 words) : And bury me somewhere , where my lover won't even find my grave to weep
Priyanka's Line (15 words) : And let me dream of a distant peace , that keeps swaying from me to him

My line (13 words) : Let this pain unbearable that dwells my heart vanish ; if only for sometime


Join the challenge and add your line !!!

Bucket of Happiness

I have been pretty down and feeling terrible for the past few days, about the way things have been turning out in my life. A friend pointed out very recently that am the serious brooding types and it sent me thinking, re-evaluating everything I have been and am doing. I just have this terrible habit to looking at the past with fond memories and aching to go back in time,whining over all the horrible things that have been happening to me. But coming back to reality, those nostalgic feelings do nothing to bring me back to a happy state. So I make my happiness list, sort of the "gratitude stone" idea mentioned in The Secret . I take this piece of paper and scribble all those things that I am thankful for. It sort of makes me see that ray of bright sunshine that helps you decide which way to run in that dark tunnel of hopelessness. Saw The Pursuit of Happiness again. Oh I love that movie. Biggest lesson learnt in the meanwhile- "Some times its best to just let it go. "

So here is my gratitude list -
1) I have been blessed with the most wonderful set of friends who accept and love me unconditionally for everything I am,with all the good and bad I have. Best part of it all- No judging.
2) 2009 and 2010 were complete nightmares but 2011 was great. It was the best year of my life and 2012 is turning out pretty well.
3) I have started to be more optimistic about several things in life. I was never a pessimist for that matter but the optimism has increased.
4) Best buddy and I have reunited after years (no we didn't split,its just that we had lost all contact for 2 years). It was pure joy meeting her.
5) I hurt some people through the years. So I decided to call all of them and apologize and surprisingly and thankfully, all of them forgave me.
6) I have finally realized what I got to do with my life. So the fog has cleared up but its a long way. I just hope I have the strength to live up to it.
7) I have met some amazing people recently, who have had a HUGE impact on my life. Infectious fur ball of happiness that they are,they bring smiles at the most needed hours, without having to tell them you are low. They just somehow know it by instinct. Am so glad I know them. :)

Well, thats all I could think of. Am sure there are many other reasons for me to smile, I can't remember them at present.


Post Inspiration- This post from privytrifles 

It was not I

It was not I

I was nine
When you deflowered me.
You touched me
Against my wishes.

I screamed aloud,
But the words
Chocked in my throat
And no voice came out.

I cried silent tears,
In the silence of the night;
Unable to tell anyone
Of what I went through.

I felt violated,
Ashamed of my body,
Unable to look at myself
In the mirror.

But today,years later,
I refuse to let you
Crush my soul
And dampen my spirit.

It is I who decides
Not to tell the world
What you did to me
Behind those walls.

I refuse to let you
Make me guilty
For that I haven't done
What never was my fault.

For I refuse to be
Called a victim and
You as my abuser.
I shall rise and not 
Let you win over me.


 This post was inspired by -
1) Kamala Das' poem An Introduction
2) The second episode of  Satyamev Jayate and 
3) Pinki Virani's award winning book, Bitter chocolate-Child Sexual Abuse in India.

Book Review- The Devotion Of Suspect X

THE DEVOTION OF SUSPECT X 

 

AUTHOR- Keigo Higashino
ISBN - 9780349138732
PAGES - 374
GENRE - Novel / Crime Thriller

Book Cover says- Yasuko lives a quiet life, a good mother to her only child. But when her ex-husband appears at her door without warning one evening, her comfortable world is shattered.
When detective Kusanagi of the Tokyo Police tries to piece together the events of that night, he finds himself confronted by the most puzzling, mysterious circumstances he has ever investigated. Nothing quite makes sense...

Swarnali Speaks - The book was originally written in Japanese by Keigo Higashino and then translated to English by Alexander O. Smith with Elye J. Alexander. The Times has crowned Higashino as 'The Japanese Stieg Larsson'. Plus this novel has sold 2 million copies alone in Japan. Consequently, I had very high expectations from this book and am glad to say, I was not at all disappointed. 

The plot concerns the beautiful middle aged single mother Yasuko Hanaoka and her teenage daughter, Misato as the initial lead characters. But after a few pages, the reader realizes that the plot concerns not about these two, but more about their next door neighbor, a high school mathematics teacher, “Ishigami the Buddha”. Other important characters in the book include the murder victim, Yasuko’s ex-husband, Togashi; the investigating officers Kusanagi and Kishitani ; Kusanagi’s friend and physics genius Yukawa, who is also incidentally Ishigami’s old friend and admirer and Yasuko’s devoted customer, Kudo. I highly appreciate the author’s detailed and three dimensional portrayal of each and every character in the book. He hasn’t left any character in the book, minor or major, sketchy. The past, present and future of each character is analyzed which gives and insight into the functioning of the character’s mind, giving us a clue into the rolling of the plot. But what comes as a complete delight and surprise to the reader is the end which leaves the reader nothing less than gaping in awe at the author’s skill at deluding and trapping the reader’s mind completely off-track, with an amazing twist to the tale. 

The author delivers an amazing plot with unbelievable yet plausible twists and turns which keeps the reader hooked to the book till the very last sentence. I could not keep the book once I got over the initial 30-35 pages which were a tad bit stretchy. But then what commences after those initial pages is a complete whirlwind, sweeping the reader along, with no jolts or breaks. What I liked best in the book is not lost in translation unlike many other works of translation. Of course, I cannot tell if it is as good as the original Japanese book, but on its own, it does a pretty good job. What is worth appreciating is the effort the translators have taken to explain in proper detail each and every Japanese term. For example, a kotatsu table and tatami mats are something completely alien to a non-Japanese reader like me, but the translators have explained what each and every daily use item means-how it looks and its importance in a Japanese household which helps the reader to a great extent. The graphic descriptions of the locations and the landmarks are so vivid that we can almost visualize the whole action in front of us, like a movie.

Overall, an amazing read. If you like mathematics like me, you are cannot help but love the book. If you are not, still you can’t help loving it. Take my word for it, it is that good.

Rating - 5/5

Price - Rs. 350

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Roller Coaster

Do you have that phase in life when you don't get the head or tail of what is happening to you...things just run haywire?
Yes,am currently going through such a mad phase in life. Life at present is like this roller-coaster running at a super speed when everything you see moves so fast that you don't get the time to even realise what exactly is happening around you.Things are turning out so terribly and unexpectedly that I have got no clue what exactly is happening to me and my peaceful cove. By the time I get the hang of things and figure whats wrong,its just too late to make a change and something else has worsened. And I hate it when I don't have control over myself and my life. I strictly believe that it is always me who makes things good or bad in my life but this time,I don't seem to figure what exactly is wrong. And trust me,nothing gets worse when you just dunno where to start to make things better.
And what makes things even more horrible than they were, this is frustrating me so much that I have lost all my sanity and I am now behaving like a jerk with everyone around me. I so hate myself for this. Its so unfair to mistreat people for what they haven't done. :( I feel like writing long long apology letters to all those I have hurt for no reason. Thank God I have friends who love and know me too well not to judge me for the present. I know they have forgiven me before I say sorry. I love you guys.
Someone,give me a tight slap. Yes I need one now,really bad. Someone to put some sense into my little head at this moment. Okay a tight hug would do if you can't slap me. The slap is more fun though!
I suppose, I need to take my time to figure whats wrong,whats it that I have done to make things turn out this way. I need to think over what got me into this mess and I need to come out of this. I know I can ,might take me some time though. God ,give me the strength for I gotta act alone now.
Its really funny that whenever something goes wrong or am in a crisis,God has his way of telling me what to do next. yeah i might sound crazy but trust me,it does happen. I just have to keep my senses open for clues. Things like a dialogue from a movie or a line from a song or a sms from a friend comes as my life saver,exactly when I needed it. Is it actually help from God or is it just my mind searching too desperately for inspiration and strength from the most mundane things,I don't really know.
Am gonna paint my blue converse orange. Colours just brighten my mood instantly. And then am gonna eat baked fish in cheese sauce till the point I feel too sick of its cheesiness. Am going to watch Paris je t'aime for the 7th time. That is one film which makes me smile every time I watch it. Read Pablo Neruda and Eliot and some other random stuff. And am going to curl up into my cocoon and think for a while. Just wish that I find peace and my sanity back.
Am listening to Drake and Rihanna's "Take Care" for almost the 200th time today. I can't get over the song somehow. You like it?

Random

Hellow everyone,
How have you all been?
Yes,am back,back after almost a  month. So what have I been doing all these days?

1) Most importantly,giving my exams. Thank God its over!! I will be a graduate in a few days..

But wait... the next one is coming soon....the admissions... Gah!! :'(

2) Scribbling things like the last two posts,experimenting certain things,watching seasons of House M.D. and Sherlock. Wondering when part 2 of Season 7 of Bones is coming. Dr.Tempe,I am so missing you. Come back soon!! Btw House and Sherlock are pretty addictive too!! I so love Greg house!!!

3) Watching a few German and Iranian films. Can't get enough of them it seems.

4) Giving a farewell to our very beloved Kumkum ma'am...yeah am a pass out from college but I don't seem to get over the place. It has given me everything in 3 years that my entire existence didn't. Kumkum ma'am is the best we had in our department. She was always this serene mom figure who was strict yet caring,crazy yet adorable. You just can't get enough of loving her. The place would collapse without her. Am just glad I don't stay to see the day,even though tears come when I imagine leaving Bethune. :'(
Here are a few pictures.

Thats our very dear K.C. Ma'am...<3 <3

and there...she dances!!

we gave her a personalised coffee mug among other things.

and here is us!!

weird smile :\ I was thinking something was funny with Abira's (she is taking the pic) necklace :P

5) Getting my own farewell. Yes 2 farewells in 3 days! pics-

The Vidyasagar building is the oldest part of our college. We were a part of this building for the last 3 years.

A glimpse of the main building from the garden.

This is how Bethune looks from the front. I so love the old world charm this place exudes.

That is a part of Bethune school.

Thats us.

L-R- Soumi, Drisha, Me and Debopriya. Dress code was Black+White/Black/White (yes I did not conform completely to the code ;) :D)

Am kind of having mixed emotions, the joy of finishing the grad phase and then the pain of leaving home(yes Bethune was home to me).

Am now listening to Rihanna's "where have you been"...man she is talented...I love the lyrics.. :) <3

Do you have any special memories of your college? Tell me.