Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Dagger

Off late, I have been having this very disturbing and haunting nightmare that am stuck in a desert alone, trying to hold on to the earth and I just can't get anything when I try to grab it. The sand grains just slip out of my grip and I am left with nothing. I wake up crying in the middle of the nights with a fear of losing somebody I hold very dear, I don't know who. And the most difficult part is this fear isn't going away however hard I try. There is this unbearable pain somewhere, a very deep sense of loss that I have never felt before, that I can't explain or get rid of. Can any of you explain the logic behind this?

Anyhow I scribbled these lines in a state of semi-drowsiness at 3am yesterday, unable to sleep or remain awake. Please excuse the missing punctuation marks, I didn't feel like adding them when I saw these lines scribbled in my notebook when I woke up this morning.

The Dagger


I carry a dagger
Thrust in my chest
Unable to decide if
I should let it remain
And rip my interiors
Into irreparable tatters
With every movement I make
Or just take it off
And let myself bleed
To sweet death.


P.S.- Please forgive my excessive subjectivity in the post. Will be back with more objective posts soon. Please let me know your opinions if you think you know the answer to my fear.

Love
Swarnali

34 comments:

  1. you have written wonderful in a state of semi-drowsiness at 3am :)

    I don't know the significance of the nightmare but Just relax ...

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    1. Thanks for those lovely words. Its okay, even I can't find the significance of those lines!! Yeah am trying to relax. Thanks :)

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  2. Quite haunting lines they seem !!!

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    1. Yeah the thoughts have been tormenting me for quite sometime, am into this dark sullen mood off late. Thanks for dropping in :)

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  3. I seriously don't think it has anything to do with the future; it's most probably reflecting some inner turmoil. If its recurring, maybe it's time for some meditation and looking inside. Don't worry, everyone goes through times like these!!

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    1. Even I was thinking on the same lines, but I couldn't find anything disturbing enough to cause such recurrent nightmare , you know. Lets see if meditation helps. Thank you so much.

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  4. i cannot remember my dreams once i wake up. we all carry these fears, wounds, uncertainties etc. it's how we cope up with these things decides our mental state. chill, have fun :)

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    1. Even I usually don't but this time its getting pretty weird, same dream repeating. Bt thanks a lot. I hope I can get over the fear soon. :)

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  5. Whoa!

    That was some dream that you seem to be having dear. The lines say it all. For the poem is very poignant.

    But dear about your dream, it surely means a lot of things. Firstly are you scare of losing something off late. Something seems to be bothering you....

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    1. Thanks so much.
      Yeah even I think it means something, I have never had recurrent dreams. The weird thing is I don't think I am scared of anything of the kind. Its so weird :(

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  6. Do you suppose the dream could signify a transition in your life.. sometimes when we dream of someone we love dying or losing someone it signifies a transition of some sort.. maybe saying goodbye to something else rather than someone. have you made any life style changes? Then also, sometimes a dream is just a dream. During Rem Sleep(Rapid Eye Movement Phase) our dreams become more vivid and sometimes scary.. they're usually worse if we lose a lot of sleep too. Have you been getting enough sleep? If not, that could be the source of your bad dreams.. When we lose sleep, our brains make up for the lost sleep with dreams.. and they become more intense than usual. Hope that helps! It was a lovely poem.. very deep.. emotional too.. Take care!

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    1. That is the longest comment anybody has written on my blog so far!! Thank you so much Crystal!!
      Thanks a million for that info, I guess it could be that less sleep thing coz there hasn't been any significant changes recently. I have been quite a bit of an insomniac lately. Thanks again!! :)

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  7. swarnali, you are losing out of somebody and something very dear and important to your life...he/she might not be in you life now but he might be somebody that should be in your life or there might be some career option or an opportunity that u are not considering right now but that is vital to your Destiny.......this also may indicate some choice that u need to make in order to meet you soulmate but you are not taking that choice or letting it slip off....dont just relax and let it go..hold it, be aware, try to do things that you absolutely love or completely hate or are afraid of...you will find a link 4 Sure....

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    1. Thank you so much dear, I'll think over what you said. Dreams do have their funny way of telling you things, don't they? But thank u so much. <3

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  8. awesomeely written .....but for the nightmare ...just chillaxx ,everythin we be fine

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    1. Thanks Vinisha. I hope things get fine, am trying to think over and sort them.

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  9. Dear Swarnali,
    Welcome to Blog Hop Saturday! I'm catching up on visiting.

    I dream, but half the time I can't remember them. There have been times when I've woken up, heart racing, sweat pouring, like a madman thinking something bad had happened, only to realize it was just a dream. Although I have to agree in part with Crystal, who can truly understand the human mind? I will say that evil spirits do exist and can put bad thoughts into your head. You just have to have faith and ask God to guide your footsteps. Even half-asleep, this was profound. Thanks for sharing.

    Thanks also for linking up to Blog Hop Saturday! Bookmark your calendar for the next hop on Aug 3rd-4th. Invite all your friends, everyone is welcome and I've changed the guidelines to allow two entries per blogger now. Also, don't forget the next Lovers' Cove Challenge on July 26.
    Wishing you happy thoughts for the week ahead. See you again soon!

    Thoughts Of Beauty In The Stillness Of Dawn...

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    1. Thanks so much Andy. Yeah all geared up for the next challenge :)
      Thanks a lot for those words, I hope things get better soon.

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  10. Hmm well I think we sometimes are in that stage where everything seems to be getting lost .. BUT brave are those who stand up tall in those situations and FIGHT their way out of it ..

    Listen to your heart and WORK hard is the best way to get out of it all... and Try .. if you fail TRY AGAIN.. and GO FOR IT ..

    All the best in whatever is going on, I am sure you will be out of it my best wishes with you ..

    Take care and Be goood ...

    Open letter to all Indians-Bikram's

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    1. Thank you so very much Bikram, those words mean a lot to me. God Bless you too.

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  11. So I googled your dream (I know, I'm creepy) and this is what it came up with.

    http://www.dreamomania.com/dreamdictionary/physical-things/desert_meaning/

    (I google everything). I'm the kind of girl who googles her symptoms and decides that she's going to die from brain cancer. I don't know how it works but I hope this helps!

    And my mother always says "the only person who can help you... is you!".

    Oh and I absolutely adore The Dagger!

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    1. Thanks a tonne for that link!!
      I just went through it and it actually freaked me completely. Some of whet is said there is very true to whats happening right now in my life!! I just hope things turn out well. Fingers crossed.
      Am so glad you liked it, thank u :)

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    1. Thanks Alka, am glad you liked it :)

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  13. the state of semi-drowsiness rather did good to you, you came up with such a wonderful work!

    P.S. : I guess you're not the only one who writes so well in a state of semi-drowsiness, Coleridge too composed Kubla Khan in such a state! way to go, lady :D

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    1. OMG!! I can't tell you how I feel to be compared to my favourite poet and that too my fave composition of his!! Coleridge was a genius in every possible manner and Kubla Khan was dreamed in a state of opium induced drowsiness but it was written in a state of complete consciousness, so the creative effort is a part of the entire poem. Thank you so much, girl. Much love <3

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  14. Well here's a thing , If u r having this dream recurrently , then its going to take the shape of reality :D :P .....so u better stop sleeping in order to avoid such dreams or start reading some lame books by various Indian authors like CBhagat, DDutta...u will get so frustrated after reading such books that no dreams gonna bother u :P :D
    Lolzz was just kidding , u can simply ignore the above
    as far as the poem goes, it was quite lovely given the fact yr mental state at 3am in the morning wen u wrote it :D :P,, happy dreams cheers!!

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    1. Hey Saikat,
      Thanks so much for dropping in. Am so glad you liked the poem, its actually in the craziest hours that my mind starts getting hyper agitated to produce lines like these :P
      As far as reading the kind of book you mentioned, I have been reading only Indian authors for sometime and I should seriously consider taking a break from them :P hehe
      Thanks a bunch again

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  15. Desert Dreams. Fear. The dread. I know the feeling... giving a logical answer - I would say you are growing up. *Hugs* But honestly, when you make changes...like accepting a harsh truth, something which you have to give up....these dreams may come with massive intensity. I know how freaked out you must be, with your heart in your throat and you brain all muddled. *Hugs* My girl...don't worry.

    And my my my! That poem was written when you were half-asleep?I love it! So haunting and beautiful. I loved it. :) :) Blessed Be!

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    1. Thanks girl, I needed your hug very much. I missed you so. Am so glad you are back. Mwah.

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  16. I wish I could explain desert dreams, but I cannot. But I hope that one of these comments, or the poem you wrote will help to ease your fear and make it easier for you to sleep at night.

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    1. Hey Cheryl,
      Thanks so much, i really appreciate your concern. The poem did bring out some thoughts that I didn't knew existed, so yeah it has helped a lot :)

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  17. I hope you're not depressed or anything.

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