Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Morning After


THE MORNING AFTER

The sun rays came slanting though the partings of the closed curtains and fell directly on the round face. Two tiny eyes were forced open and blinked thrice. Sneha sat up on her bed, her hair tousled, making her look all the more childlike.  The bed sheet on the opposite side of the bed was half on the floor, all crumpled. Her eyes ran across the room searching for Raj. She could smell the faint scent of his Hugo Boss perfume in the air reminding her of the previous night which she spent in his arms. He still wears it, she smiled to herself. She rubbed her arms and crouched on the bed as she mused about the things that happened.

Raj has come back, finally. I knew he would. His guilt is
too strong for him. I will forgive him, like everytime. He thinks
I don't know the real reason behind those nights he stays
away giving the excuse of late night office meetings.
Ah ...those red roses he brings for me every morning
he comes back from Richa's. He knows red roses are
my favourite. Making love to me every Saturday and
making me breakfast every morning is his 
way of compensating for what he did. His scrambled eggs
are the best in the world, if only they changed everything he did.
He is probably doing the same again now, fixing me
breakfast and a cup of tea, with extra cream and less sugar,
exactly the way I love it. He knows every detail about me.
Does he knows everything about Richa as well?
Raj is good at picking up details and remembering them.
Too bad, it increases his guilt all the more.

Sneha ran down the stairs to the dining room. Her eyes fell on the bunch of red roses on the tea table as a look of puzzlement crossed her face. Why are the flowers here today?, she wondered. Raj wasn't in the kitchen. She ran across to the patio looking for him. 


"Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me."

James Blunt's voice blasted at full volume. "I've to change that ringtone, how I hate it!! It has always been Raj's favourite. He must have changed it after I slept off last night" , she talked to herself as she came to get the phone.

"Hello. Is this Mr. Rajesh Malhotra's residence? " the voice came from the other side.
"Yes, I am his wife, Sneha"
"We are very sorry to inform you that we found your husband's body in his car. We also found another lady's body in the car along with your husband's, but we couldn't identify it. The accident took place yesterday evening and both died on the spot. We need you or somebody from the family to come down to Colaba police station to identify them."
"How is it even..."
The words froze in her mouth as Sneha looked across to the tea table which was empty except for a few drops of water in the place where she saw the red roses a few minutes back.


Source

The phone slipped from her grip and fell on the floor with a thud.

~The End~



This was my first attempt at a short story. Do let me know your thoughts :)




36 comments:

  1. Oooh!!! Eerie and lovely at the same time!! Very well written, Swarnali!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Fabida!! Your appreciation means a lot :)

      Delete
  2. Beautiful, let me gasped in awe... Lovely! It doesn't seem to be naive at all, a very mature & detailed short story. Please keep them coming Swarnali dear, they are so purely wonderful :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for those lovely compliments, Tanya... :D

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Hey there!!
      What happened to you,long time no see??
      Thanks a bunch, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

      Delete
  4. A brilliant first attempt. You caught the pulse of the readers superbly. The story took such a dramatic turn in just a few lines, and that's what makes you a great story teller. The twist was completely in sync with the plot. Hats off to you ma'am for such a brilliant tale.

    When is your 2nd story coming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa!! those are some mighty high praises for a first story, sire!! :D :D I can't help but feel flattered :P Thank you so much...
      Umm...next story,,...I need a new dream for that ;) :P

      Delete
  5. ohhhh romantic and lovely and a Twist in it tooo.. another story can be unfolded ..

    Lovely way to put it up :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Bikram!! I'm glad you enjoyed the story...
      You actually gave me an idea about making a prequel to this one :P Lemme start thinking about it ;)

      Delete
  6. ooooooooo......that was a nice twist at the end!!! loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's a very pretty first attempt at a short story!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Are you sure this is your first short story??

    Pehla hi aisa, to baad mein kaisa? Baap re! :)

    Keep at it. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe yeah I'm pretty sure it is my first :P
      Thank you so much. Honestly, your stories have been the inspiration behind this one and those words coming from you, I can't emote how elated I'm right now...Thanks again :D

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Hey there, Bhairavi!!
      Thank You so much for dropping in and leaving your comment...your appreciation means a lot :)

      Delete
  10. Great job! I think you are off to an excellect start!

    Ugh - he died cheating on her?! I hope his wife can move on. Or..maybe her husband wasn't a cheat - maybe he was a spy who could never reveal his identity to her...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Amber :D
      hahaha...that spy idea does work here :P But I intended him to be cheating on his wife :P

      Delete
  11. WOW This one was brilliantly written Swarnali :)
    Few things I loved the most were - the wife's ability to love her husband despite his cheating nature...this is love. We do this so many times to people whom we love a lot! And ofcourse they way you showed her feelings without any negative words yet the hurt and pain came out so well... superbly written for a first attempt I must say. You should write more !

    P.S: I tried commenting earlier too I don't know where it went :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, ME!! You are always sweet and generous with your compliments ...I'm really glad you liked it...was waiting to hear your thoughts. Well about the true love part, I guess it is not always the love part...sometimes we are so used to being in a certain situation that moving out of it seems much more difficult to deal than betrayal. Will get to writing stuff more now...you know...things are better :D

      Delete
    2. I agree like a victim gets used to being treated like that.... in this case she got used to being loved like this (with conditions)

      Waiting for MORE :)

      Delete
    3. Thanks, Me!! Yup...sometimes routine is more preferable than out of the box :)

      Delete
  12. how i wish i could write a short story like this! it does not look like a first attempt at all. kudos! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks , Love :D And well, you write a million times better than this...you wouldn't need to write something like this :) mwaaah :*

      Delete
  13. not at all good. it seemed amateurish and mediocre. i am sure you can write better than this. i don't think there was anything wrong with the writing but the sheer depiction of the whole gloomy, morose event was somewhat absurd and overwhelmingly childish. for starters you can do away with the brand names and pop songs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello there!!
      Thanks for leaving your feedback, really appreciated :) Thanks a lot for pointing out the exact places where I could improve ...this was a first attempt...I hope things will improve in the next one :)
      P.S.- Kindly leave your name or backlink the next time you leave a comment here so that we can contact you directly and we usually do not post anonymous comments...but yours is welcome. Thanks again

      Delete
  14. Amazing.... :) I really liked the story. I thought Raj was finally coming back home from good. Unexpected. ^_^ Amazing for a first time :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot ,Aniesha...it feels great to hear such lovely compliments especially when it comes from wonderful people like you :)

      Delete
  15. I actually gasped at the news of Raj's death. You are enthralling, my girl... hats off.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Elementary Insignia _thank you so much ,girl!! Your comment made my day :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. Excellent effort bud. wow. got some real talent. keep it up.

    Swarnali said...
    "need a new dream for that"
    Love this comment of yours :) felt the same.

    ReplyDelete
  18. @Rakesh _thanks so much, man!! :D

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for passing by and please do leave your valuable comments,they mean a lot to us. Please make sure you leave your blog link or your mail id so that we can get back to you.