That Feeling

If you are yet not tired of  reading my scribblings (that I happily call poems :P), here is yet another. This came out pretty weird actually,so I would love if you could tell me how I could improve on this one :)
This is the edited version of the poem. The last 2 lines in the second stanza were added by Andy . The lines I had written previously are kept in parenthesis. Thank you so much Andy!! :D


That Feeling


Will you believe me
If I said I knew
How it feels to be an
Insignificant and un-special
Nobody to somebody?


Will you believe me
If I said I knew
How it felt to be
The only invisible one
In a world made just for two?
(Invisible to that one
Everybody of your world?)


Will you believe me
If I said I have felt
Hurt and pain
In places I never knew
Existed in me?




P.S.- This is what happens to me when I watch too many romances. I cry for hours and then I start scribbling this. So please do not take this to be autobiographical. I just love getting into the shoes of characters and then sort of imagine what they must have felt. This time the character was Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet) from The Holiday. :)


Will be back to my totally un-poetic posts soon :D
Till then
Love
Swarnali

Inscrutable

This is my first attempt at a love poem (?),so please bear with it. And do tell me if you think I could make it better in any way - anything I should have added or deleted.

Inscrutable

I love you

Because I can love no other

I hate you

Yes I do, very much

My heart torn,

Between loving you

And not loving you

I laugh a laugh of pure ecstasy

And then all of a sudden

Cry out in despair

Knowing you'll never be mine

My only wish now

Is to be consumed

By either, or both-

The fire and ice that swell inside me.

On a random and totally unrelated note the "Yes I do" in the 4th line reminds me of Nicki Minaj's "Superbass" (my sis read the name of the song as "Superb-Ass" the first time she saw it :D).

P.S. - Thank You Arpita for the inputs. Love ya <3

Lovers' Cove Challenge

I get to Priyanka's blog and come to know of this challenge which is going on at Andy's Blog.
Here are the rules-
A poem will be constructed by different bloggers. The prompt line will be given by Andy. All you have to do is add your line to the poem,based on the line above yours i.e. what the previous blogger has said. The line should be of 15 words or less. Check out the link to know more about the challenge.

So here it goes -

Title : (Yet to be determined)

Andy's Line(11 words) : A sleeping flower is more beautiful than a heart without love
Kriti's Line (14 words) : But I bleed enjoying your thorns of love, rest awhile so I may breathe
Punam's line (14 words) : The loss of your love O Heart! Put me to an eternal sleep
Rosette Princess' line (14 words) : And bury me somewhere , where my lover won't even find my grave to weep
Priyanka's Line (15 words) : And let me dream of a distant peace , that keeps swaying from me to him

My line (13 words) : Let this pain unbearable that dwells my heart vanish ; if only for sometime


Join the challenge and add your line !!!

It was not I

It was not I

I was nine
When you deflowered me.
You touched me
Against my wishes.

I screamed aloud,
But the words
Chocked in my throat
And no voice came out.

I cried silent tears,
In the silence of the night;
Unable to tell anyone
Of what I went through.

I felt violated,
Ashamed of my body,
Unable to look at myself
In the mirror.

But today,years later,
I refuse to let you
Crush my soul
And dampen my spirit.

It is I who decides
Not to tell the world
What you did to me
Behind those walls.

I refuse to let you
Make me guilty
For that I haven't done
What never was my fault.

For I refuse to be
Called a victim and
You as my abuser.
I shall rise and not 
Let you win over me.


 This post was inspired by -
1) Kamala Das' poem An Introduction
2) The second episode of  Satyamev Jayate and 
3) Pinki Virani's award winning book, Bitter chocolate-Child Sexual Abuse in India.

You and I

Dearest Iti,

You are and you will always remain my best friend....my only best friend, much much more than just a cousin. I knew you before I opened my eyes. Mum told me you used to talk to me when I was inside her, telling me all about yourself and asking me to be your friend for you had nobody else for a friend. They hated you for you were very beautiful, almost angelic. They envied you for all that you had and pitied you for that unformed hand , the only glitch in the most perfect painting. Miracle you might call it, I did turn out to love you from the very moment I saw you with my tiny eyes, much before I could love my mom and dad. I loved you more than everything and anybody else. You were just 2 when I was born and you swore to be my angel,to protect me from everyone. I loved you for you never let anybody touch me ..hurt me. You called me "Bakbak" for I never kept my mouth shut. The name stuck and see how everybody now calls me "Bakbak", except for you.
We were 4 and 6 then. Everyone called us the inseparables. We dressed the same for I wanted to be you, the perfect you. You let me steal the spotlight for I was demanding,I wanted everything. You let me pick my favourite first. You held my hands tight when we crossed the road. You fought with everyone who hurt me. I remember you hitting the bully Abhra, 10 years older than you. You jumped on him for calling me names. But you were no match to him, you came back home with a black eye and a smile of victory on your badly bruised and split lips. You taught him a lesson for abusing your "Bakbak". All I did was stand staring at you fighting and getting beaten up for me. I did not move to help you for I was a scared cat.
The news came as a jolt for both of us. I didn't want to leave you and go to Delhi with mum and dad. I wanted to be with you in our perfect world,just you and I. I begged mum to leave me with you and masi but that never happened. We had to part.
Guess time got the better of us. We grew up in our own ways and worlds. We grew more and more apart and more and more different.
I now didn't like the not-so-cool you. You turned out be an emotional fool,or so I thought. You kept pulling me back to those years,I didn't want it. So I stayed away from you,avoiding you. Excuses like "I have my exams","I am busy","I can't connect with you now","we are not the same little girls now" were frequent. You tried to rekindle my lost love but I didn't help. I didn't like you any more. I guess I had joined those haters who disliked you. I was no more your "Bakbak" for I stopped talking to you.
Its only now that I realise how much you meant to me,how I am me,just because you. I ignored, disrespected,hated you,said cruel things but you bore it all without a word,your perfect smile always on your face while I wronged you. Can't we go back to those perfect years,those "you and I" years? I want to tell you how much I always loved you,how much you meant to me,you were all I wanted to be. How I wish I could hear you calling me "Bakbak" just once. How I wish I had told you for once that I loved you.
Time had taken the better of us,for time took you away from me,from all of us ever.
Was it time to blame or was it me who changed? Am sorry,it was always me and not time...How I wish I could tell you that.

ME
P.S.- I loved you and I always will

Life as it is

Hurray  exam over...yay!! Well I shouldn't be this exited as exam-saurus will be returning after two months ... :(
Never mind, am somebody who is a strict follower of the carpe-diem  theory (It means "seize the day" in case you didn't know). So enjoy as long as its not exam time again :P


This time we had to do creative writing in our paper VII. Had to do either of these-A poem on life,a short story about the little joys in life,a dialogue between two old people about their likes and dislikes in the modern world or a travelogue about a place of scenic beauty. I had planned to do this question in the end. But as luck would have it I was left with only the last 5 minutes to finish this one!! After a quick debate in my head,I decided to do the quickest i.e. the poem!! That was the only one which could be completed in a page,others would take a minimum of 5-6 pages. 
This was the first time I attempted a poem (for that matter I never tried to compose anything before,not of the creative type,see??). Just thought of sharing the poem that I wrote in less than 5 minutes-


LIFE AS IT IS

Life is a queer little thing; Comes around everyday Dressed in a new garb Shocking sometimes, Sometimes surprising. People come and people go. Some usher joy, Some bring sorrow; Some come with sunshine and Some tread paths like shadows. Love and hatred move In an endless coil; These sudden twists and turns Are what makes it life And living it better than death. I found this one a bit too simple for an exam but I couldn't do anything better within that time limit. Some friends who read it found it to be good enough. Aishwarya of Sweet Hug said she liked it...thank you so much girl!! Would love to know your honest comments on this. Feel free to tell me even if you didn't like it and also what changes I could do to make it better. On a different note,this year begun the most wonderful way it could. I won the new year's giveaway hosted at A Lot of Pages. I received the book yesterday from  Flipkart.com wrapped beautifully in a pretty shiny paper and a cute congratulations card :D. Thank you so so much A Lot of Pages for hosting the giveaway and Flipkart.com for sponsoring the award. I got,Shock Point by April Henry,a teen fiction I suppose (not a big fan of this genre but I didn't know it before choosing the book,the book might surprise me though!!) Its an imported edition,so took ten days to reach me after I had ordered. Can't wait to read it!! Take a look at the book. - Bubbye till next. Love Swarnali